Goodbye Sucks
by 2nd-Reaper
Summary: What happens if Ichigo was just a little more attached to Rukia than he had let on. What if he wouldn't be able to continue on if she left him. My version of when Ichigo and Rukia are separated after he sacrifices his powers. Rated M for suicidal action(s).
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Bleach or any of the characters**

Chapter 1:

He had gone and done it. He had sacrificed his powers to save everyone, soul reaper and human, from the hands of the evil Sosuke Aizen.

He hadn't, however, thought about what he would miss the most when he did it.

He hadn't thought about the fact that he would lose Rukia for the rest of his life.

The day had come though, today was the day that he would lose Rukia. Except he wasn't ready to say goodbye.

He couldn't let anyone know that though. Especially not Rukia. He couldn't let her know that she was the only reason for him being here anymore.

He couldn't let her know that when she left his life she would take his heart and soul.

It was time to go say goodbye now though.

It was just Rukia and Ichigo. While it took the others long enough they eventually noticed how they were staying away from everyone but each other they all took their leave.

They had been standing there for at least 10 minutes. They'd been enjoying each others company even in the awkward silence since they wouldn't see each other again.

It was Ichigo who spoke up first, " Rukia, I - I ..."

"I know, Ichigo. I already know. I'm gonna miss you too."

"That's not what I was gonna say ... Midget." A sad smile formed on his face knowing that they wouldn't be together again for a long time.

Rukia shared the sad smile that Ichigo had. It was at that moment that she started to disappear for Ichigo's vision.

His eyes widened and before he knew what he was doing he ran up to her and held her tightly against him, or what was left.

Tears were streaming down his face but Rukia didn't know so it was okay. He whispered quietly into her ear, "Please, Rukia. Don't leave me. I'm not ready. This goodbye sucks."

Rukia also had tears rolling down her face but it was okay since Ichigo couldn't see. She told him, "Don't worry. I promise, I'll never leave you. I lo..."

It was too late, he would never know what she had just told him. She was gone. He knew she hadn't moved just yet though, henceforth he didn't move either.

It wasn't until the sun had hid behind the horizon that he moved. Even then he only went to his room and laid there. Making sure to avoid conversation with everyone in his house. Even his dad didn't try to attack him.

Life had moved on like normal for everyone. The only difference being that Ichigo didn't talk anymore.

He wore his normal scowl and just sat there. At lunch he would go to the roof and just sit, then he would return to class, still not talking. After school he would go to his room and sit there.

As time wore on he slowly stopped going to school. He would stay home more and more until one day he just stopped going completely. He didn't eat anymore. It surprised his family that he was still alive.

Whenever they tried to get him to eat he would refuse. He stopped answering his bedroom door whenever they would start knocking.

He always left his bedroom window open hoping that out of no where Rukia would show up and kick him around and make him eat. That's why he stopped, hoping she was watching and would come make him eat.

What he didn't know is that Rukia had been watching and it was breaking her heart. She had come to see him everyday, but she wasn't allowed to have any form of contact with him whatsoever.

6 months after their goodbye

Rukia had stop coming 3 months ago, Ichigo had continued to get worse.

He was pretty much skin and bones he had started eating a few crackers and would drink a bottle of water when everyone was asleep. He had to stay alive.

He just knew that one day Rukia was going to come back to see him. He just knew he needed to stay alive until then.

However, suicide was ever present in his mind. He didn't have to worry about self-harm. He got enough of that from not eating and drinking enough every day.

Suicide however was becoming a more reasonable option every day.

Hope of Rukia returning was disappearing day in day out.

Finally he decided that he couldn't take it anymore. It was time for it all to end.

The next day he got up and went to school, to everyone's surprise of course. Not only were they suprised to see him so fraile and skinny but he was smiling.

Not some fake smile that he would use to pass off on picture day, he was giving a real smile. When his friends went to talk to him he talked back. It was like nothing bad had ever happened in his life.

Like his mom didn't die. Like he didn't lose his powers. Like he didn't lose Rukia. Everyone was so happy to finally have Ichigo back. So happy that none of them ever thought to think maybe he was being just a little too happy.

Ichigo returned home and acted just as he had at school, he talked to his family, ate dinner with them, and even played games with them.

He went to bed when they did too. The next day was a Saturday, his sister Karin had a soccer game so Isshin and Yuzu wouldn't be home either. When asked if he wanted to go he said he had major homework so he couldn't.

It was a lie. He was going to end all of the pain today. Not a single one of them had a clue as to what he was going to do when they left at 10 that morning to go to Karin's game.

He had already written the note and left if on his desk. He had already collected the chair from the kitchen and he had got the rope from the store yesterday afternoon. All that was left was to attach the rope to the ceiling fan, tie it around his neck and step off of the chair.

He pulled the chair up under the ceiling fan and stepped up onto it. He tied the rope to the fan and then around his neck. He was so busy that he didn't hear someone enter the house.

Just as he was stepping off of the chair someone opened his door.

AN: Hey everybody. I'm just gonna admit I have been fighting with myself over this for the longest of times. For now I award you with a cliff hanger. Does he step off? Does the person come in before he steps off? Can you guess?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of the characters

She didn't know if he had heard her. She had been so afraid to tell him her feelings that he might not have even heard her.

She knew he couldn't see or feel her anymore but she could still feel the heat that always radiated off of him so she stayed still to bask in the familiar warmth.

She was happy when he seemed to know she hadn't moved so he stayed still. She didn't know how long they had been there but eventually Renji came back.

He showed up just when Ichigo let go and went back inside. She was shocked when she didn't hear him yelling at his dad, but yet was instantly in his room opening his window.

She had to go bak to Soul Society

-Next Day-

When they had arrived they had been called by the Head Captain and were told they were going to be stationed in Karakura.

Rukia had been pulled over by Ukitake just as they were leaving with shocking news for Rukia. He had told her while there they weren't allowed to interact with Ichigo at all.

They had arrived at 5 in the morning. Renji had decided they should patrol because Rukia had been out of it ever since Ukitake pulled her aside for whatever reason.

He just so happened to assign her the part of town where Ichigo lived.

She ran straight to Ichigo's house. She was happy to see him starting to get up and get ready for school.

She followed him to school and even sat in her desk, which he kept looking at as if knowing she was there. Everyone already knew not to mention her being there.

He still talked, just less than before. She also noticed every time he looked at her desk his scowl would deepen then he would look out the window for another 30 minutes.

School ended and she followed him to his house. She watched as he was jumped by his dad when he walked into the house. However he wouldn't yell at his dad he would just punch him to get him off.

He still talked at dinner just not as much.

-2 months later-

Ichigo had stopped going to school. He had stopped eating. The worst part of it was that she had to watch it all happen. She knew he wanted her to show up and make him eat and that's why he stopped.

She would have if she could but she wasn't allowed to do anything. Luckily for her Renji took over all of the work while she just stayed by him.

He had started talking in his sleep. Well, talk/sobbing. She didn't judge him. She didn't sleep so that she didn't have to dream of them being together again.

He was barely alive nowadays. He was skin and bone so to say she was happy when she saw him get up at night and go out of the room at night was an understatement.

She watched him walk down the stairs and grab a few crackers and a water. She watched him eat the crackers and drink the water and for the first time since their last hug she was happy.

When he went up stairs and laid down she heard him whisper, "I know you'll come back , so please hurry."

It broke her heart when she heard him say that to her. She wanted to go get a gigia from Urahara and beat him sensless and make him eat, but she couldn't.

-3 weeks and 6 days later-

She had watched him eat a few crackers and drink water every night. He always whispered about her coming back just before going to sleep.

It must have helped him because he stopped crying in his sleep when he started saying that.

She was no idiot though. She noticed how he stopped drinking the entire bottle of water and how instead of eating 5 crackers he only ate 3. She knew he was losing hope fast. So she did the only thing she could, she went to Soul Society.

-Next day in Soul Society-

She had talked Renji into letting he go to Soul Society and get permission to talk to Ichigo.

When she arrived she immediately requested a meeting with the Head Captain. Little did she know she would be talking to him for the next 3 months about this.

-3 months later-

The Head Captain along with all of the other Captains minus Ukitake agreed that she shouldn't interfer with Ichigo's life. She was also told to return to her post in Karakura.

-In Karakura-

She returned and immediately ran to Urahara's and got into a gigia. He knew the Soul Society told her she couldn't see him but since when did he care what the Soul Society said?

She was running to Ichigo's house as fast as she could but it wasn't fast enough. She felt that something bad was about to happen. On her way there she passed by the soccer game and noticed Karin was playing. She saw that Isshin and Yuzu were in the stands and it worried her that they had left Ichigo alone which made her run faster

She arrived at the Kurosaki household and opened the door. She noticed nothing was out of place so she walked up the stairs to Ichigo's room.

She started opening the door ...

A.N. hopelessromantic: I like to believe that when someone commits suicide that their reincarnation time more than doubles so by the time he went to Soul Society Rukia would already be dead.

Anyway, next chapter should be out tomorrow guy's. Sorry, please don't be mad.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of the characters**

 **Ichigo was stepping off of the chair when he heard his door being opened. He saw her black hair and violet eyes.**

 **Time seemed to slow for him, it was too late. "Dammit" he cursed as his weight took him off of the chair. He died seeing Rukia's wide eyes feeling with tears.**

 **It hurt him more to see her crying and to know he was stupid to doubt her than it would have to chop himself into a million tiny pieces.**

 **That was his last thought before he met the blackness.**

 **Rukia couldn't believe her eyes. As she opened the door she saw Ichigo stepping off of the chair.**

 **Her eyes widened and started to tear up when she knew that it was too late to save him when she saw that he couldn't stop his weight from coming forward.**

 **That didn't mean she couldn't try. As she went to move she heard him cuss and she ran as fast as she could to get to him.**

 **Isshin had known something was up. Ichigo was just acting like nothing had ever happened to him before.**

 **He knew he was gonna do something stupid when he said he had a lot of homework to do but yet he didn't even have a backpack on when he had gone to school and he wasn't carrying anything when he came home.**

 **It wasn't until he saw Rukia running down the street that he knew how bad it was going to be. He made up a fake excuse about having to go to the bathroom to Yuzu.**

 **As soon as he got out of view he started straight out running toward his house. As he was arriving he heard a scream come from his house.**

 **He ran into the house and up the stairs to his son's room. What he saw shocked him more than he could have prepared for.**

 **Rukia was shaking his son and screaming at him to wake up while his son was hanging from the roof with a rope around his neck.**

 **Isshin walked up and forcefully moved rukia aside. He didn't know that he had pushed her towards where his son had left his suicide note.**

 **He pulled his son down from the rope and started to immediately do CPR on his son.**

 **Rukia was trying to wake him up. She knew that he wouldn't hurt her. That he wouldn't leave her alone here.**

 **She didn't know what happened but all of a sudden she was moved and pushed towards his desk.**

 **She went to turn around and go back when she saw the note on the desk. It was his suicide note, not only that, it was adressed to her and only her.**

 **It said:**

 **Dear Rukia,**

 **I am so sorry for giving up on you. I know I never told you but I love you. I don't know if you feel the same way but I can die knowing that I tried to tell you. I tried holding on, it's just that no one understood the pain I was in. People talked and acted like it was a normal day but nothing was normal without you being there with me. I would look at your desk and I swear I would see you sitting there and it would upset me to no end. I probably won't see you again for a long time. I guess this is goodbye, again. This goodbye sucks.**

 **From,**

 **Ichigo**

 **Rukia fell to the ground sobbing. He hadn't heard her when she told him how she felt. She turned around to see Isshin picking Ichigo up and carrying him out of the room. She immediately got up and followed him.**

 **She watched as he carried him into the clinic and laid him down.**

 **Then his eyes opened ...**

 **AN: Hmm. I don't know. This was ... interesting. What do you think?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own bleach or any of the characters**

Rukia was so happy when she saw Ichigo's eyes open that she didn't notice a problem. She did however notice that Isshin had broken down crying.

She couldn't help but ask him, "What's wrong? Don't you see Ichigo is back?"

Meanwhile Ichigo had noticed what the problem was. He had awoken but he was in his soul reaper form. No matter what he did he couldn't get back into his body.

Isshin, noticing his son's activity, said, "You can't do it son. It's all over. Why did you do it, son? Why did you have to do what you did?"

Ichigo looked at Isshin with shame, "I couldn't take it, dad. I can't live without her." He looks over at Rukia giving a small sad smile.

It was then that she noticed what the entire problem was.

"Ichigo why aren't you in your body? Why are you in your soul reaper form?"

It was Isshin who answered her question, "He doesn't have a body anymore." To this she was unable to fully comprehend his suggestion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean Ichigo successfully killed himself. I could only save his soul, but even that is temporary. His soul will slowly disappear over a very short time."

Rukia started to cry, "NO! Ichigo, you can't leave me! I just got you back! I broke Soul Society rules just so that I could visit you."

To say Ichigo was shocked was the biggest understatement of the year. He knew he loved her but, could she love him too?

She quickly ran up to his side and grabbed him. "Please, Ichigo. Please don't leave me. I watched what me leaving you did. If this is payback I'm sorry, just don't make me go through what you did!"

Ichigo held her against him, "I'm so sorry Rukia. I can't believe that I doubted that you'd come back to me."

Rukia felt tears start to hit her head and she knew that he was crying. She couldn't say anything though, she was crying too.

They heard the door open and saw Yuzu and Karin coming into the clinic since no one was in the house section of the building.

Karin and Yuzu didn't understand why Ichigo wasn't in his body. So, they figured that they'd ask him. Yuzu was the first to speak.

"Hey, Ichigo. Why aren't you in your body? Are you going to fight a hollow?"

Ichigo looked down and they knew something was wrong when they saw tears falling from not just his eyes, but Rukia's and Isshin's too.

"Look, guys. I don't know how to tell you this. I'm gonna be leaving you guy's for a little while."

Karin figured she knew the story, "Going to Soul Society?" Ichigo didn't know how to react. He was just gonna break their hearts either way.

"No, I'm not going to Soul Society. I'm kind of dying. Forever."

"What do you mean, Ichi-nii?" They ask, starting to cry.

"I committed suicide and well, dad saved my soul but by doing that it is kind of destroying itself."

Karin understood why everyone was crying. Why Isshin had put himself by a corner. Why Rukia was holding onto Ichigo like if she held on he couldn't die. Why Yuzu ran to the kitchen and just lost herself in cooking.

However, she found herself just standing there. Crying of course, but she couldn't move. She wouldn't move.

Finally she found her will to move, she went to her bedroom and shut the door.

Ichigo couldn't believe what he had done to himself. How he had hurt all of the people that he loved.

He stood up and he couldn't believe his eyes. He was looking at his legs and so Rukia decided to look too.

His legs were starting to disappear already. Isshin noticed this and so he started to estimate how long he would survive at this rate.

"Well, it looks as though at this rate you will disappear at the end of today."

Ichigo's eyes slowly widened.

 **AN: Muahahahaha. As all of you noticed I kinda chickened out when it can to killing Ichigo. Welcome to the revenge of the author.**


End file.
